What is love? Is it healing?
“The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.”
Each month, I will discuss a new book on the blog that I am also discussing with a group of you who have decided to join The Wellness Reflect Book and Journaling Club (check the link in the menu for more info). Each of the books for this year are inspired by the 12 Dimensions of Wellness (John W. Travis, 1975) - more info . This month’s book, All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks, is inspired by self-responsibility and love.
I just began reading the book on December 30th, and it has already been a transformative experience. I want to share with you what I have read so far. I have also included some *points of reflection.
bell hooks' exploration of the meaning of love began by reflecting on a piece of graffiti art that said, "The search for love continues even in the face of great odds." This quote, for her, became an affirmation for the possibility of love.
*How have you searched for love in the midst of great odds?
This quote also left hooks with the question, "What is love?" After many discussions with others and research, hooks found that the meaning of love was vague, and most definitions were centered on affection. Also, these definitions differed based on one’s assigned sex or gender. Yet, hooks proposes that love goes beyond affection and does not differ based on assigned sex or gender.
*What do you think are components of love?
*How, if at all, does the strength of these components differ based on assigned sex or gender?
hooks offers an opinion that if we all could clearly define love, we would be able to love more. So, after scouring the literature, movies, books, etc., she found a definition from M. Scott Peck in their book The Road Less Traveled (1978). Peck defined love as "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." He also stated, "Love is an act of will — namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not to have to love. We chose to love."
*How does this definition resonate with you or not?
*Do you think love is instinctual, a choice, or both? Why?
When I stepped away from the text and summarized the definition of love into my own words, I said love was "the will to submit oneself to the need for spiritual growth within oneself or others." However, I saw some significant differences when I reflected on what the definition actually said. I asked myself why did I automatically use the words "submit" and "need." I appreciate how Peck says "extend" versus "submit." Reflecting, I see "submit" as letting go or decreasing parts of yourself, while "extend" adds space for someone without losing yourself.
When I reflect on my choice to use the word "need" versus Peck's use of "nurture," I question if I believe that we only extend a hand when there is a need. I am an advocate for prevention and promotion in the health space. Can that same concept be applied in the case of love? I think it can, and I believe it should.
*How would you define love? How does it differ from Peck's definition?
*How would you apply, if at all, the concept of prevention and promotion to loving yourself and others?
Loving is a part of our wellness. Reflecting on Peck's definition of love, he mentions that love nurtures one's own spiritual growth. Any imbalance in our health, whether physical, mental, or spiritual, impacts our ability to regulate and our overall wellness.
*What are some ways that you think love has impacted your wellness?
As I continue to journey through this book, I want to learn more about love as a verb and explore whether this proposed concept of love is associated with healing.
Until next time,
Peace, Blessings, & Wellness
-Shameka
